Were you honestly hoping there'd be a list? I knew it!
Lists are the number 1 trendiest thing right now! Lists of trends are a trend in and of themselves. A prominent trend among a potpourri of trends this summer that seem to be mutating and escalating and imploding in on themselves all around us. TRENDS.
Is it just me or is this the trendiest summer of all time?
From Swan Floats to Rosé to the english language devolving to a place where we either communicate entirely in List Form or we just don't finish sentences, we just add the first part of a sentence to pictures that embody an emotion, i.e. the ever popular "this float shaped like a bottle of rosé has us like.... (insert GIF of happy animal)"
IT HAD YOU LIKE WHAT? WHAT DID IT HAVE?
I admit it, I may be getting too old for the internet. Daphne is loving it. Trends are her native tongue.
Thursday night had Daphne like...
I'm telling you, the more you think about it, the more you realize how much pop culture has enhanced and abbreviated it's gestation period. Trends are happening faster and more furiously than ever before and everyone is eating it up.
If you're looking for me you'll find me beneath a "Do Not Disturb" embroidered beach hat, drinking White Girl Rosé, covered in FlashTats, re-gramming someone else's joke about how they had "A salad for dinner, mostly just croutons and tomatoes, mostly just one big crouton covered in tomatoes. And cheese. Ok a pizza. I had a pizza for dinner" Don't lie. You know you saw that same joke ten times this week floating around the internet and loved it all ten times too.
Speaking of pizza for dinner, and thus of gluten, the Lord Voldemort of 2015, let's take a moment with everyone's favorite trend. Hating Gluten. Do you hate gluten or do you hate gluten!? It was ruining your life, right???
Although, to be honest, Daphne and I will never really embrace this trend. If you could somehow make a truffle fry out of bread/cheese, we'd be interested in knowing more about that...
You know what else is trendy?
Pockets. Pockets are having a moment. Pockets may be the next rosé. Rosé called Pocket Square Rosé could potentially break western civilization by next summer. How much do you wish I knew how to produce t-shirts with botanical pockets?
If you're a t-shirt production company looking for new business, call me!
Seriously, walk outside. If you don't see a man with his surprisingly luscious hair swept up into a Man Bun, while wearing a t-shirt with a different pattern/color pocket sewn on the front, go back inside immediately because this means something is drastically wrong with wherever you are. Trendsters are like animals, they are the first to sense when something is over/about to become catastrophically dangerous. Mainly just when things are over, but still. Be extra careful.
I'm not kidding. Go look for pockets. You'll see them everywhere.
And for good measure, before I leave you. Here's a list of current trends. please feel free to help me make it an even longer list. Because what's better than a list? A Long List.
We already know the essentials:
- Swan Floats, Pizza Floats, Donut Floats, FLOATS
- GIFs (ideally in list form)
- Fancy Pockets
- Flash Tats
- Gluten Free Everything
- Avocado Toast (not consumed, duh, only instagrammed)
- Saying "This avocado toast has me like..." and then not finishing the sentence but doing a little dance
- Saying "On Fleek"
- Acting like you don't understand what "On Fleek" means, not only because you genuinely don't get it, but because not getting it is an essential part of the equation
- Palm-print-off-the-shoulder-white-lace-panama-hat anything
- Weirdly tiny purses
- Man Buns
- *The rest are contributed by genius readers....*
- Acai Bowls. What even is this? For me the buck stopped at quinoa. No more seed themed bowels allowed.
- Tassels, pompoms, fringe on everything
- PINEAPPLES. More to come on this topic. If for no other reason than I know everyone will read it because PINEAPPLES!!!!
- Which leads me to my next point, following the word because with a noun is not right.
- "hair game is strong today" "pool float game on point" "happy hour game on fleek".... enough is enough. no more games. i'd love to see a blogger post an instagram captioned with "didn't we do a splendid job styling these cocktails?" she'd be instantly balled from this funny little community of broken-robot-baby-english. Because, clearly what she meant to say was "cocktail game on lock *insert fist pump emoji* *insert wineglass emoji* *insert funny monkey*"
- come on I know there are more! the list must go on...