shoe hunting

i have a bone to pick with the world of shoes. i have searched high and low (pun intended) and have come to a realization that there are really only two options when it comes to heel height - STILETTO and FRUMPFLAT. and i am outraged. i demand a happy medium at once! the sky high heels that dazzle on the shelf are just not practical once you get them out onto your feet and into in real life scenarios.... between your stilettos, giant hair bump-it infused updo, shoulder padded blazer and over sized clutch you are seriously at risk for becoming so much larger than life that you could be mistaken for the scene in avatar when the hot avatar lady has to save her lover when he is in human form and they awkwardly embrace after she revives him. the camera pans out and oh dear... he is 1/3 her size. very wrong. plus you are also probably experiencing discomfort on par with being in your 13th hour of labor. i know some girls who have started pulling the ole switcharoo around 11 pm when they just can't take the torture of standing en pointe any longer despite downing four vodka sodas to numb the searing pain. they clandestinely switch into flats and reemerge from the bathroom two feet shorter hoping no one will notice. but unfortunately, those giant clodhoppers are not easy to conceal. so where is the medium height, perfect shoe? the shoe that you can walk in all day and all night and live to tell the story without needing an aircast for the next six weeks? if you know, please don't keep it a secret. i have worn holes in my only pair of normal sized heels and am about to resort to frump flats full time.