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Article: Swing Slippers


Swing Slippers

Can you believe it's here? Election day at last! We've survived another contentious campaign season!

I'm eager to put this all behind me. Every time politics come up in conversation I become ready to give up on humanity and in need of a stiff drink.

As a perfectionist, I like things neatly resolved. So the political puzzle of opinions and facts and statistics (and binders full of women) that no one can seem to sort through successfully has left me filled with angst. Politics is a messy business!

There was once a time when I didn't feel this way at all...

It was a simpler time in which I proudly hoped to someday be the first woman president (to run on a platform strictly made up of her parents' opinions). I was about eight and fiercely conservative in my views on both dating and running the country.

I remember it well. I was eating dinner at a restaurant with my family. I believe I was eating a small bowl of mashed potatoes. How do I remember this detail? Because when I was eight, this was the only dish I felt restaurants were capable of cooking to my rigid standards of culinary simplicity. (It's a miracle all my bones and muscles formed fully on this diet of only potatoes)

Anyway, it was prom night and a group of prom goers was seated near us. My mother asked me if I was excited to someday be invited by a boy and wear a beautiful gown from Jessica McClintock to my own prom. I was genuinely offended that she had such simple aspirations for me, her genius, politically savvy, child prodigy.

So, in between carefully-insepcted bites of potato which proved to be free of spices or contaminated by other type of food, I replied, "No, I'll be too busy campaigning"

My parents immediately recognized the error of their thinking. Of course I wouldn't be interested in boys or dances! How could I be? The country needed me! They quickly realigned their vision for the trajectory of my life upon hearing this comment and have enjoyed recounting this story for the past eighteen years much to my embarrassment.

This story enjoyed an especially bright moment in the sun on the eve of my first prom. Which of course I did attend, having thrown aside my political dreams after realizing that all elections are fraught with voter fraud - a conclusion I drew after learning that I could not be elected POTUS of my high school unless I personally voted multiple times as my fellow candidates were doing.

So, in the end my naiveté and general fear of competition barred me from ever being a real player in the political system (or the soccer team) and now my career goal as mini-Hilary is but a distant memory.

Speaking of all these political woes, how perfect are these Stubbs & Wootton "undecided slippers" ? You could literally have one foot in each camp wearing these.

But of course, bipartisan slippers aside, pick a team and get out there and vote today!

ps. look at this picture from The Cut doesn't it remind you of my sketch! There's even a dog!




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